Getting Laid . . . Off

You know what it's like to get laid off? No? Always wondered? Well, I'll tell you:

Imagine yourself standing in the backyard on a humid, rancid-hot, summer day, while amid audible wheezes of laughter at the sight of your white legs, the mosquitoes are biting you with an aim to eventually suck enough blood out of you that they get to eat your liver. You stand perfectly still, arms open like the Christ figure that looks down over Rio de Janeiro, listening. You know what's coming, and soon, there it is: the pitter-pat of heavy, uncontrolled, relentless summer rain. Mosquito drowning rain. Rain directly from the Big Guy in the Sky Himself. You smile, and don't even swat the 'skeeto that just landed on your nose. After all, it's going to die. You're not, because Justice is on your side.

Then the rain. Heavy, definitive, underpants-soaking rain. As thunder slaps overhead you think of Noah, and about how you're glad you're not wearing socks, and about what that dumb bug that was on your nose must be thinking now. Something like 'glub, glub,' no doubt.

Okay, so it's not quite like that, but sort of. They say something like "Boo! You're laid off!" Followed by "Here's a pile of money, leave quietly, and here, take a cardboard box of your very own. You've got 15 minutes. GO!" So you pack your colleague's favorite red stapler and leave.

In my own case, my organization requires that I mull over this change for 30 DAYS. I'd understand the process better if I had to also go to Cathoic Mass over it, but whatever. I still get the pile of money and, oh, you guessed it, MY LIFE BACK!!!!

Never take a job just for the money. Any hooker will tell you that, but would I listen?

[There was an awesome clip of a segment from Shark VS Eagle that explained the Justice reference, but the righteous dudes who put it up on YouTube took it down. I sense NZ copywrite wallahs being mean. Boooo! Still, watch the movie, it's good.]

Sarah Palin Embarasses Me

Somebody please give her an improving book to read, or take her on a nice trip through Europe. She needs to get more correct information in her brain so that she does not say things that make me want to grab her nose and twist it right off.

It's not even about having a debate. There is no debating her notion of Death Committees. Has she ever even met a health care professional? How about a death squad thug? They are very different types of people, Sarah, I promise.